Who I really am....

I have issues I know I do. I will never say I don't, they are noticeable. I don't always see things in the real true way, I see things in my fantasy world. Everything that happens is always the other person's fault. I am never to blame. I am innocent. Even though I know this isn't true, I can't seem to stop myself from thinking that way. I only seem to realize all things I do wrong at night when I am trying to sleep, and then everything that I have done wrong, comes falling out of my little mind. I hate this, I don't even think I can admit that I am wrong even if I know I am.

I am bipolar, I can and will freak out, cry, get pissed, become happy, sad, depressed, you name I can switch to any mood at any time. My moods are like a light switch, they can flicked on and off, or stay off / on for awhile. I have recently gotten help for this, I was put on a medicine. Although the medicine doesn't stop my mood swings, it does help them from happening so often. Days that I do not take my medicine can be pretty scary. If I miss two days, my family stays far far away from me. Its not like I am mean because I want to be, sometimes I don't realize I am being mean, until it is too late. I can't not control this, although I wish I could. Actually I wish this would just go away so I can be some what normal.

I have a social issue. I will explain. I hate to be around a lot of people, I hate to be in a crowd, I hate people touching me, and I rather be alone than around people (even family some days). I haven't always been like this, its has only been like the last 3 or 4 years.

I get emotional easily, since I have been put on my bipolar medicine I can't actually cry. Although tears don't come out, I still feel like crying.

I am bitch, I know it. Some days I enjoy it, and other I wish I wasn't. I REALLY DO CARE ABOUT MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY, even though some days may not seem like I do.

I say I have no friends, I have my reasons to say this. No the reasons are not what people think they are. What I mean by this is, I don't have friends who are around a lot. I have friends I know I do, and I love each one of them in their owe special ways.

My little sister is my world, I would do and / or give anything for her. I love her to death.

To finish this all up, there are a few things that I love.
Hippos
Writing
Real Ed Hardy stuff
Pictures
Black and white pictures
Ninja Turtles
Eeyore
Country music
Nickleback
Ke$ah
Lady Gaga
P!nk
Michael Grimm
Prince Poppycock
Coloring
Dolphins
Dragons
Nightmare Before Christmas
Bubba J
Shot glasses (even though I don't drink)
Blue, Pink, Purple, Black, and Grey
Polka dots
The beach
Alice in Wonderland
Adam Sandler
Sleeping
My phone
My Ipod
My computer (sometimes)
Crafts
Scrapbooking
Roses
Loin King
Beauty and the Beast
Las Vegas (there is a lot to see)
Egyptian history and stuff
Memories (good or bad)
Shopping (sometimes)
Clothes
Make-up (even though I don't wear it much at all)
My glasses (only because I can see with them on)

Umm.. I sure are soon as I post this I will think of other things to say, but I will write them down and maybe post them later. :-)


Song: "Raise Your Glass," by P!nk!!!
Quote: "Live Life, Laugh a lot, Love forever!"

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